Our first sort-of Halloween surprise came
four years ago. We thought James was going to be a Thanksgiving baby, but he
turned out to be a Halloween baby.
Then, about a year ago, the hubby and I had fairly recently decided that James would be an only child. We had considered having more children but had decided against it. For one thing, we both have issues with anxiety and depression, and wondered if we could handle another child or whether it would cause some kind of mental breakdown. But I think the biggest issue for my husband was that he was afraid he might kill me, as I nearly died when I had James. Of course, that was only because I was planning a home birth and not receiving proper prenatal care. But still, the fear remained.
Even though we'd made this decision, we weren't as careful to prevent pregnancy as we should have been. I won't go into details, but there were a few reasons why I really thought we'd have to put some effort into getting pregnant. So, the possibility that I would get pregnant from being careless every now and then was pretty far from my mind.
Towards the end of October, I started feeling very unwell, but as I am wont to do, I attributed my symptoms to the anxiety I was also feeling. Now that I think about it, I'm not really sure if the physical symptoms or the anxiety symptoms appeared first. But I know I was experiencing emotional distress as well feeling like crap physically. I even told my pastor about it, who was very kind and concerned for me.
After a few days of feeling really bad, I was sitting at work on a Tuesday morning. I observed that I felt a bit better after eating something (and like we tell our pregnant moms, an empty stomach may actually be the cause of upset stomach sometimes, and eating can help). But what really got me thinking was when I also noticed that my food did not taste right. Now, that's never been a symptom of my anxiety, so then I got really anxious. Oh my God, something is really wrong with me. Maybe I have cancer, I thought. Slowly, it dawned on me. Could I....be pregnant? And I realized that my symptoms were similar to when I was pregnant with James.
Then, about a year ago, the hubby and I had fairly recently decided that James would be an only child. We had considered having more children but had decided against it. For one thing, we both have issues with anxiety and depression, and wondered if we could handle another child or whether it would cause some kind of mental breakdown. But I think the biggest issue for my husband was that he was afraid he might kill me, as I nearly died when I had James. Of course, that was only because I was planning a home birth and not receiving proper prenatal care. But still, the fear remained.
Even though we'd made this decision, we weren't as careful to prevent pregnancy as we should have been. I won't go into details, but there were a few reasons why I really thought we'd have to put some effort into getting pregnant. So, the possibility that I would get pregnant from being careless every now and then was pretty far from my mind.
Towards the end of October, I started feeling very unwell, but as I am wont to do, I attributed my symptoms to the anxiety I was also feeling. Now that I think about it, I'm not really sure if the physical symptoms or the anxiety symptoms appeared first. But I know I was experiencing emotional distress as well feeling like crap physically. I even told my pastor about it, who was very kind and concerned for me.
After a few days of feeling really bad, I was sitting at work on a Tuesday morning. I observed that I felt a bit better after eating something (and like we tell our pregnant moms, an empty stomach may actually be the cause of upset stomach sometimes, and eating can help). But what really got me thinking was when I also noticed that my food did not taste right. Now, that's never been a symptom of my anxiety, so then I got really anxious. Oh my God, something is really wrong with me. Maybe I have cancer, I thought. Slowly, it dawned on me. Could I....be pregnant? And I realized that my symptoms were similar to when I was pregnant with James.
Then I
recalled that when I was about 4-5 weeks pregnant with James and talking with the
woman who would become my midwife, I told her I didn't have any "morning"
sickness. Her response was that it was too early for me to tell. My hormones
would take a big jump at 6 weeks, she told me. That's usually when morning
sickness starts. Sitting at my desk at work, doing some calculations in my
head, and knowing that when someone is six weeks pregnant, she's really only
been pregnant for four weeks, I realized that the date lined up perfectly with
the weekend we went to Chicago for Veganmania. Guess what we forgot to pack???
If I had gotten knocked up in Chicago, then I would be six weeks pregnant.
Whoa...
I didn't have a chance to buy a pregnancy test until Wednesday, which was also Halloween. When I came home with the test, my hubby thought I was crazy. When he saw the positive result, he didn't believe it. It took him a little while to warm up to the idea. But he did. Our beautiful Halloween surprise. And so far, we've done just fine. No mental breakdowns, and I didn't die.
Here is our surprise today.
I didn't have a chance to buy a pregnancy test until Wednesday, which was also Halloween. When I came home with the test, my hubby thought I was crazy. When he saw the positive result, he didn't believe it. It took him a little while to warm up to the idea. But he did. Our beautiful Halloween surprise. And so far, we've done just fine. No mental breakdowns, and I didn't die.
Here is our surprise today.
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